Opperation: Happy Birthday Ramuda!
by Icee Suicune
Summary: "You know what day it is, right?" Ichiro managed. "What's it matter?" Samatoki pressed. He remembered Nemu saying something about Valentine's chocolates for school and- Oh. Oh no.


The Dirty Dawg hideout was quiet for once. The kid was supposed to be at school, the doctor was working, and who knows where the pink one was. Not there, and that's what mattered, Samatoki thought. A cigarette hung from his lips while he stared at the ceiling, content with silence that he rarely experienced.

Of course, that didn't last long.

"We have a problem!"

Ichiro had flung the door open with more force than was probably necessary. His breaths came ragged and fast, and he doubled over in the doorway. Samatoki sighed and snuffed his cigarette.

"You're right, we do have a problem. Why they hell are ya barging in here?"

"You know what day it is, right?" Ichiro managed. He kicked the door closed and paced over to Samatoki's chair. He wrung his hands and stared at his shoes. What the hell had him all riled up? It wasn't like him to get spooked over anything.

"What's it matter?" Samatoki pressed. He remembered Nemu saying something about Valentine's chocolates for school and-

Oh.

_Oh no. _

"Shit, it's…!" Samatoki sprung from his chair, his hands immediately flying to Ichiro's shoulders. This was bad. It was the little terror's birthday, and somehow they had both forgotten. Normally, it would have been a non-issue. Samatoki couldn't recall the last time he'd even remembered a birthday past Nemu's. But their teammate was in a league of his own when it came to celebrations, _especially _when the celebrations were focused on himself. Looking back, he cursed himself for ignoring the hints Ramuda had dropped about the approaching date. He wasn't too thrilled with Ichiro either, because really, he should have reminded him and then they could have…

"I know, it's bad, but we still have time!" Ichiro's expression mirrored Samatoki's own look of terror. "He doesn't normally stop by here until the evening, right?"

"Right… he hasn't been blowing your phone, has he?" Samatoki asked. His own phone had been silent, for the most part. No messages from Ramuda was a good sign, right?

"No… but Sensei hasn't answered his either, and I was tryin' to ask him for ideas!"

"Shit."

Turning to Jakurai was supposed to be their saving grace. What were they going to do now? They had two brains between them to work with. He wasn't so sure what went on in Ichiro's half the time, but there had to be a couple good ideas in there. Somewhere.

"Well… he's gonna want a big party, that's for sure." Ichiro nodded. "Think we should call some of his onee-sans or whatever?"

"And where are we gonna get their numbers, idiot?" Besides, if they went that route, they'd have to find a venue big enough to fit half of Shibuya. On such short notice, that was next to impossible.

"Uh…. fuck. Uh, well, we have us! And Sensei!" Ichiro said. "Think he'll like that?"

"He's going to have to like it." Samatoki grumbled. Now that the guest list was finalized… they just had to worry about everything else. Money wouldn't be a problem, and he was sure Ichiro was smart enough not to argue with him on footing the bill with this one. If they divided and conquered… they could get everything bought and decorated before Ramuda bounced into the hideout. "We're gonna have to have it here. I don't know if we can find another place that'll let us throw streamers and shit around."

"Cool… Samatoki-san, I think we'll pull it off! We can do this and he won't be pissed off!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, kid." Samatoki flicked him on the forehead. "We haven't started shit. It's not over until the brat's stuffin' his face with cake."

If they were going to pull it off, they needed to make sure everything was perfect. There was absolutely no room for error. The next several minutes were spent arguing over a plan. Samatoki would have pushed to get his way a little more, but since they were pressed for time, he let Ichiro sneak some of his own dumb kid ideas into it too. Once they both reached a conclusion, they finalized the game plan and sprinted out the door.

Hours passed. Phone calls were exchanged. Decisions were made without consulting the other, and finally Samatoki and Ichiro were back at headquarters. Heavy plastic bags were looped around Samatoki's arms - no way in Hell he was going to make two trips - and Ichiro carried a stupidly huge cake box. Balloons were tied around his belt, and the whole scene was the stupidest thing Samatoki's found himself in in a long time. It was going to be worth it, he told himself. He had to keep believing that if he was going to get through the night.

"Unlock it!" Ichiro shifted his grip on the box, careful not to move too much. Samatoki fished the keys from his pocket and let Ichiro inside. Luckily they had made sure a path to the large coffee table was clear before they left, so Ichiro bolted right over and gently lowered the box.

"What kind did you pick out?" Samatoki asked. The bags were quickly dropped next to the table, and Samatoki took a second to scope out the scene.

"Heh… I'll show you!" Ichiro had already grabbed a chair and drug it to the table. He climbed on and slowly lifted the box.

The cake was ridiculous. It stacked four high, each layer a different pastel hue. Macarons lined the bottom tier, hard candies dotted the middle two, and perched at the top was a tiny parfait in a crystal glass. The spaces between the dessert-on-dessert monstrosity were filled with elaborate designs in icing, and Ramuda's name was painstakingly scripted right in the middle. Truly, it looked too good to eat. And honestly, Samatoki didn't want to deal with the inevitable headache that came with eating that much sugar.

Ichiro's connections were insane. Where else could they have gotten something that huge in a couple hours? He stood by it proudly, pleased that he was able to come up with something that Ramuda would go absolutely crazy for. Samatoki couldn't help but smile. He slapped Ichiro on the thigh and gave him a thumbs up.

"You did good, kid!"

"Thanks, Samatoki-san!" Ichiro hopped off the chair and rubbed the back of his neck. His words of praise didn't affect him for long, though. Ichiro rummaged through the bags at their feet and pulled out rolls of pink streamers. "Wow, you got a lot of this stuff…"

"Figured Ramuda wouldn't be happy unless we covered the place."

"All right, you take one half and I'll take the other?"

Samatoki caught the roll that Ichiro tossed him and grinned. "You got it."

With their combined efforts, soon every inch of the Dirty Dawg hideout was covered in decorations. Streamers, balloons, banners, confetti… they pulled out all the stops to make everything as festive and pink as possible.

Samatoki groaned and flopped in his chair, a tiny cloud of glitter puffing up from the cushions when he landed. He flipped open his phone and scanned through his messages.

"You hear from Sensei yet?"

"No… I was just gonna ask you that."

That wasn't good. Ramuda would be waltzing up any minute now, and without Jakurai there for him to hang on to… Samatoki shook his head. Jakurai was always there for them when they needed him. He had to sense their desperation from wherever he was.

"Just give him a few minutes. It'll be fine." Samatoki tried to remain calm, but Ichiro definitely picked up on his nerves.

"Whatever you say…"

The two of them sat there, waiting for something to happen. They'd done just about all that they could, so it was just a matter of time until someone showed up. Few words were exchanged between the two. Samatoki answered some texts and Ichiro kicked balloons around. After what had seemed like hours, the front door creaked open.

"Wow wow! What's all this~?"

"Shit!" Ichiro and Samatoki both sprung up from their seats and panicked. They looked at each other, trying to communicate their next move without words. Of course, that didn't do them much good. Ichiro hid behind the chair, probably to play it off as a surprise party, and Samatoki pressed himself against the wall. Ramuda skipped into the room, twirling around as he took in the sight.

"So cute! Look at all the balloons!"

"Uh… Surprise!" Ichiro yelled.

"Wah! Ichiro! You did all this for me?"

"Hah, you think he coulda done this all on his own?" Samatoki revealed his presence, which hardly seemed necessary at that point.

"Samatoki! Aw, you two remembered!" Ramuda flung himself on Ichiro, who scrambled to catch him in a hug. He turned and smiled at Samatoki, but he shot him a look that screamed 'try me.'

"Happy birthday, Ramuda!" Ichiro beamed. So far, so good, right? Ramuda freed him and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet. He seemed to be in a good mood.

"I can't believe you two decided to spend your Valentine's Day with me!" Ramuda laughed. "You guys didn't have dates? Oh, are you _each others' _dates?!"

Samatoki suddenly regretted everything he had done that day leading up to that moment.

"Nah man, we just uh… we thought you'd wanna hang out with your crew on your day!" Ichiro said. Good, let him do the talking. If Samatoki opened his mouth, he'd probably spew off a few choice words that weren't exactly birthday appropriate.

"I'm sooooo lucky! I have such cute and kind teammates!" Ramuda said. He floated around the room, grabbing at the streamers and batting balloons out of his way. He looked more like a baby let loose for the first time and not the twenty-whatever years old he was supposed to be. Samatoki glanced over at Ichiro, who just shrugged at him.

It was starting to sink in that the easiest part of the night was far, far behind them. Sure, decorating ate up a good chunk of time, but not once did they stop to think about what to do once Ramuda was actually at his party. Samatoki ran a hand through his hair.

Shit.

Ramuda could only wander around for so long before he would inevitably want to do some party games or whatever bullshit he was into. And Jakurai _still _hadn't shown his face. Ichiro was frantically typing away at his phone, no doubt trying to send out an S.O.S.

"ICHIRO! SAMATOKI!"

That shrill cry could only mean one thing. Ramuda found his cake.

Surely, that had to have bought them a little more time. Ichiro could brag about how awesome he was to score a cake like that, and they could make a big deal about deciding which layer to eat first, and Ramuda could even polish off that parfait. And since Sensei was so benevolent and holy and great with his timing, he'd walk in right as they dished up a slice for him and -

"It's so ugly! What were you guys thinking with this?!"

_What the fuck?_

"W-what do you mean, Ramuda?" Ichiro looked so meek, like he was dog on the streets and Ramuda had just kicked him in the ribs. "I made sure it had all your favorite things…"

"It's tacky! Ichiro, you can't just put desserts on desserts! That'll give me a tummy ache!" Ramuda had his arms crossed tight over his chest, his little foot tapping furiously. His attention quickly shifted to Samatoki. A manicured finger wiggled menacingly in his face.

"And you, Samatoki! I bet you're the one who picked out the colors, hm?"

"Yeah? What, you're gonna bitch about those too?"

"None of these pinks match! Just because they're pink, it doesn't mean they work!" Ramuda waved his arms for emphasis. "Magenta and hot pink and _fuschia _? I'm gonna puke! Wah! You two are making me sick on my birthday!"

"Is he for real?" Samatoki asked Ichiro.

"I… I think he's being serious…"

Ramuda's ranting continued. "My onee-sans did better than you! And my schedule was sooo packed, they didn't have as much time as you two to throw something together!"

"We busted our asses for you!" Samatoki growled. "All damn day!"

"Hm… you should have spent _two _days planning! Maybe more!"

"I'm gonna kick your stupid pink ass. Ichiro, grab 'em, will ya?"

"Samatokiiiii! You can't hurt the birthday boy on his birthday!"

"Ah, I seem to have walked in at just the right time."

Jakurai stood in the entry, in all his tall, holier-than-thou glory. Samatoki lowered his fist and Ramuda immediately flung himself at the good doctor.

"Nice of you to finally show up!" Samatoki was probably screaming at this point, but he really didn't have it in him to care.

"Sensei! We've been trying to call you all day!" Ichiro whined. "What gives?"

"I must have forgotten to inform you that I was spending the better part of the day preparing for a dinner date." Jakurai was unphased by the argument that had happened mere seconds before he had decided to grace them with his presence.

"You spent all day on _that? _"

"Well, it is dinner for not only Valentine's Day, but Ramuda's birthday as well."

"And you couldn't call?"

"It has been a while since I've purchased minutes for my personal phone."

"Shitty old man."

"Hey!" Ramuda piped up. His head poked out from his refuge under Jakurai's long coat. "Don't talk to my date like that!"

"Shit, if I knew he'd end up hating it, I woulda just gone out with-"

"With who, exactly?" Samatoki glared at Ichiro. It hadn't been a week since he'd sat Ichiro down and had a chat about how much he'd been texting Nemu and how it just slightly pissed him off. Was he really stupid enough to bring that up _now? _

"Uh… m-my bros…"

"Uh huh. 'My bros' my ass, you shitty punk!"

"Wah! Jakurai! Everyone's fighting on my birthday!"

"Perhaps we should take this as our cue to leave?"

Samatoki didn't see them leave through Ichiro, who was hoisted up by the collar, and he certainly didn't hear them over the threats he barked out. The stupid birthday boy snuck out of the room without another word to them. Jakurai was at least nice enough to comment on all of their efforts.

The bickering continued. Ramuda had probably spent the rest of the night getting pampered, talking Jakurai's ear off and shoveling cake into his mouth. Samatoki and Ichiro bickered some more. Ramuda probably opened presents, from Jakurai and his oodles of onee-sans. Samatoki and Ichiro eventually realized they had been ditched, and started to clean up all the glitter they were dumb enough to throw around. Ramuda probably got tucked into bed, all cozy in some sheets with a ridiculously high thread count, and posted hundreds of birthday selfies. Samatoki and Ichiro sat in their respective seats, surrounded by pink-filled garbage bags, eating cake covered in other pastries.

"You know, he's right." Ichiro said through a mouthful of cake. "This cake tastes like shit."

"Shut up."

What a happy birthday it ended up being.


End file.
